saturday night anchor pub with the bys
round of darts drinking ginger and ryes
who thought we'd be taken by such a surprise
i'll tell you my story not much of it's lies

we trembled when they came in through the door
a terror we never had felt it before
our eyes was a sight so sore
and they had come here to settle the score

they're round and they're tall and they're tough and they're lean
and they're tough and they're sly and they're dirty sleevens
and they're known round the bay for being so mean
shirley and sharon and bev and eileen

they been playing together at least 40 years
and they are a sight that all their foes fear
cause if you're left standing when the smoke clears
you'll be sad and alone with only your tears

man he can't win not one game of darts
they got trophies and medals and awards of all sorts
and they'll break your knees and your will and your hearts
no man he cant beat the joe batt's arm tarts

they're round and they're tall and they're tough and they're lean
and they're tough and they're sly and they're dirty sleevens
and they're known round the bay for being so mean
shirley and sharon and bev and eileen

first up stepped bev with her whizzen white hair
and no one could face her stoned eyed stare
and open my mouth well i just wouldn't dare
when she let loose her dart and it flew through the air

our man got up he was shaking with fright
and he wished he'd come out on some other night
cause the dart that he threw it didn't go right
and when it landed he was no where in sight

when shirley got up she made the place groan
with each step that she took the floor boards would moan
she possible weighs about 21 stone
and shirley's darts always hit home

up got young reggie still wet and still bold
and i don't think reggie had ever been told
you get to close to shirley you'll sink in a fold
and now our poor reggy will never grow old

they're round and they're tall and they're tough and they're lean
and they're tough and they're sly and they're dirty sleevens
and they're known round the bay for being so mean
shirley and sharon and bev and eileen

the floor was left open to crazy eileen
and her dart as always was even and keen
and with our pride she mopped the floor clean
and the tarts all applauded like she was the queen

our next feller up well he didn't do bad
but the tarts they just ate him because they were mad
and i tried to help him because he's my dad
and i can't play dartes now it just makes me sad.

when blind old sharon finished her chore
i found myself standing one against four
and casting my eye on the heartache we bore
i high tailed me arse sir right out the door

no a man he cant win not one game of darts
they got trophies and medals and awards of all sorts
and they'll break your will and your knees and your hearts
no a man he cant beat the joe batt's arm tarts
no a man he can't beat the joe batt's arm tarts
no a man he can't beat the joe batt's arm tarts