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A Song for my (ex) Husband

from Whimseys by Kyla Tilley

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lyrics

I've had all twenty-six letters of the alphabet
Including all the numbers one through zero
I've had all the punctuation marks in English
Tattooed on my chest
I've swallowed lots of silicon and toxins
So now when you look deep into my eyes
Instead of my soul you'll witness data
And you can whisper your sweet nothings all in ones and zeroes please
But what's a man without a mouse
I've had some plastic surgery
My labia are right-click left-click clitoris direction
If you hit any wrong buttons I'll just beep so

Now my love you have no distractions
Pay attention to me

I bought non-allergenic paint so you could paint me
Up like a Warhammer figurine
I've had my ears enlarged and pointed to be elvin
Or Vulcan in case that is your desire at the time
I bought metallic lingerie to please you
It has an armour class of ninety-three
My charisma score is high stamina higher
So forget the dwarven army baby come on conquer me
And if you like we can use dice
Who rolls the highest goes on top
And every move you make we'll check your chances of succeeding
I can call you General if that's what you'd like so

Now my love you have no distractions and
Now my love you have no excuses
Pay attention to me

credits

from Whimseys, released April 29, 2018

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Kyla Tilley Newfoundland and Labrador

Kyla Tilley plays guitar, wears high heels, and writes sometimes sad, often funny, occasionally disconcerting, story-telling songs which rarely rhyme.

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