Vagarys

by Kyla Tilley

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1.
Hello Rolling Stone Welcome to my island lair I built it round a hot spring Please hang your own coat Hiring servants just seemed too weird Apart from two ladies in waiting To help me brush my hair And I hope you'll excuse the mess I'm a little absent minded I hire a pantomime group To re-enact the house work So I remember to do it But it's their week off The food here's nothing grand My cooking skills are basic at best Though I employ several painters Two come every day Capture lunch and dinner in oil And on Sundays it's a sculptor You'll see last week at the louvre Ah you're wondering about the dance troupe Well I don't always find it easy To get my point across so the dancers will interpret My mood and then express it That way, things are clear And I hope you enjoy your time here And I hope you put me in a good light I'm the wealthiest the strangest indeed the most infamous Patron of the arts I see you'd like to know All about my daily routing How I begin every morning Each day starts at 6 A string quartet sits next to my bed And plays some Shostakovitch To remind me life is good Then it's down to my gym to work-out No there's no personal trainer Just a roster of heavy metal bands Various sub-genres Depending on the work-out Then shower, breakfast, work Then, after lunch It's time to deal with e-mail and calls And all communication Now on the pay roll I've got the perfect trio to help A composer and a poet And a lieder soprano So I let them take care of all that While I go about my dailies What's that? Yes, it's a fact I did make all this money Writing silly folk songs What makes you question that? I hope you'll enjoy your time here And I hope you put me in a good light I'm the wealthiest the strangest indeed the most infamous Patron of the arts I can tell you're confused That's the Greek chorus I hire To keep me on the straight and narrow I don't know what I did Before I had them follow me round Now I remember what I'm doing When I move from room to room That's all the time we have today You can see yourself out Head through the menagerie There you'll find the boat man He'll take you to the city Yeah I know he's a bit creepy That's what I pay him for I hope you enjoyed your time here And I hope you put me in a good light I'm the wealthiest the strangest most selfish and outrageous Patron of the arts
2.
Curmudgeon 02:34
What are the young people wearing They look ridiculous How can they take themselves seriously When they go around dressed like that What is this new fangled product Looks like a pile of bull Why would anyone think that they need this How did it make it to the shelves You may call me a hater Think I'm set in my ways I won't go with the flow cause I think it's going over Some rocky cliffs ahead What if you're all swept over What are you gonna do then Bet you're gonna wish you'd been a little grumpier Wish you'd been a curmudgeon What is this crap they call music Standards have fallen I see This don't hold a candle to yesterdays sound The classics of twenty-fifteen What's with these gidgits and gadgets And new ways of looking at things Humanity was perfect when I was 35 It's all been downhill since then You may call me a hater Think I'm set in my ways I won't go with the flow cause I think it's going over Some rocky cliffs ahead What if you're all swept over What are you gonna do then Bet you're gonna wish you'd been a little grumpier Wish you'd been a curmudgeon They called me a hater See what happened to them I had the last laugh but I'm laughing all alone
3.
Blind Date 03:23
There in the corner of the bar sits my date wearing a silly hat Like they said There sits an individual can be counted on to follow through With what they say I introduce myself and sit and the conversation carries on Fluidly Everything's starting out so well it's all starting out so well But that taste in music is questionable I'm not convinced we even saw the same film We disagree about The Fountainhead Is that a deal breaker? They are polite to all the staff here's a person with integrity Confidence Their table manners are just fine, nothing fancy nothing from a barn Thankfully They seem genuinely concerned that I find enjoyment in my meal It's so sweet But as the evening carries on as the evening carries on Our diets and hobbies don't seem compatible They like the morning and I'm a night owl It's not clear we share many values at all Ain't that a deal breaker? Look at that face and hear that laugh how I wonder what they think of me? Am I too negative? The evening nears it's end and I'm quite surprise to be asked back to their's For a 'drink' An invitation I accept, I accept because you never know You never know Where things might lead And at the very least At the very least The sex might be good
4.
The Wave 02:26
Warm sun, bare skin, braced for cold Shocking pleasure of immersion Plant my toes, grip the sand Extend my arms, caress the surface And wait Gentle, gentle, are the waves The big spray hits when I'm not looking Takes advantage of my lapse Scoops my body up and slams my Insignificant form down Down to drag along the bottom Dislodging snails and habitations Hair like netting catches seaweed Tangles round my face and throat Choking salt spitting liquid I'm ejected, used, exhausted Bobbing like the wooden treasures Shaped, softened and displaced by The ocean.
5.
We should have had a lovely time A pleasant evening shared with friends Around the table gathered for a meal We set the places all so nicely Matching linens, place cards too I was so looking forward to the night But no! Instead we're here in this cave We planned a dinner party Now we're a party of adventurers I was prepared to face a mountain of dishes But now we're facing certain doom And as I gaze into the gaping maw of death I ask Whatever possessed me to look under the label On the can of condensed milk The recipe it promised, turned out to be a spell And the magic baking powder must have lived up to it's name We didn't open up the oven, we opened up a gate By now our guests had all arrived And in the kitchen did converge Wine was set to breathing fore our meal The food was all prepared Only one thing left to go When the time rang I beamed "Ah, the desert" But no! I've never been so wrong How did my dinner party Become a party of adventurers I was prepared to seek out the finest vintage Now I seek some magic sword And as I'm gazing on the teeth that could be swords I ask Whatever possessed me to look under the label On the sweetened condensed milk The recipe it promised, turned out to be a spell And the magic baking powder must have lived up to it's name We didn't open up the oven, we opened up a gate They all look to me like I'm some chosen one To lead us through this maze, return us to our homes With only oven mitts, craft beer apron for armour I fear that we are destined not to have but to be dinner I wish I'd read less novels and spent more time at the gym And as I'm slipping down the gullet to my doom I ask Whatever possessed me to look under the label On the sweetened condensed milk The recipe it promised, turned out to be a spell And the magic baking powder must have lived up to it's name We didn't open up the oven, we opened up a gate

about

A short collection of humorous numbers about dinner parties, swimming, dating, getting grumpier and patronizing the arts. Most of the songs involve situations in which things don't go exactly as planned.

All five songs were written between December 2019 and July 2020 using songwriting prompts.

credits

released December 11, 2020

Kyla Tilley: steel and nylon string guitars, vocals, bass
Julian Squires: drums

All songs written by Kyla Tilley
Mixed and Mastered by Julian Squires

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Kyla Tilley Newfoundland and Labrador

Kyla Tilley plays guitar, wears high heels, and writes sometimes sad, often funny, occasionally disconcerting, story-telling songs which rarely rhyme.

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