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New Shoes

by Kyla Tilley

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New Shoes 04:25
My new shoes are not red The box they came in said Cranberry quite clearly When I walk in them well I don't stumble I don't stumble I don't stumble I got a new favourite song And I know all the words I know them start to finish When I sing along you can hear me all up and down the block I live on Chorus: Got nothing left to hide behind I left it lying on the bathroom floor I look into my eyes and see that I'm a goddess I'm a goddess I'm a goddess I got a new crush and it's you It's just a fun crush a friendly crush don't fear it But I will give you love and I'll sing about that love to anyone who'll listen I'll take you to my secret place You and I can go drinking And we can sit up high all night and watch the world revolve No one can see us there and we in turn are all knowing And if we see the winds of change we'll command them To do our bidding Chorus Tonight there's something in the air It could be magic or maybe it's just pollen But on nights like these I'll dance anywhere and I don't care who sees me I feel like lighting a fire A grand inferno just so I can hear it crackle If it burns too low I'll stomp on the embers with my cranberry heels And we'll stay out until we're falling down then You can sleep over at my place You can have the nicest pillow and I'll lend you my pajamas In the morning when we get up you can shower And I'll make you breakfast It'll have a lot of fat in it because Fat is what makes food delicious Chorus
You paint us all with the same brush The ant said to the elephant Hold your judgment hear my voice I'm tired of feeling helplessness for once Listen to me Crawl away you've had your chance The elephant said to the ant We're the system we know best You've clearly shown that you're unfit Why should we spend any time or resources on you People don't change so please stay in our nice pigeon hole So into the arms of old comforts the ant retreated Chorus: But as I got older The hurt just got stronger The grief welling so large Depression with crying jags Hid my suppressed rage But through it all my love only grew Understand the circumstance Is that really so much to ask Acknowledge struggles that I face Depression, drugs, poverty, homelessness The present, the past, and the chances I was never given But the elephant just flapped it's ears and wouldn't listen Chorus I want you to know I jump at each opportunity Any chance I can see to bring us together No matter how long this forced separation lasts My love for you is always there And nothing can change that Let me tell my story please Tell the story of my grief You took my child as you once took me A cycle we're doomed to repeat Left me alone with no hope, and no help, and no future But the elephant just turned it's back and the ant had to wonder How can you help the child when you won't help the mother I finally had enough Of blaming myself I grew tired of feeling ashamed And then I grew angry My anger finally gave way to determination As I learned to value myself The most important thing now in my life Is to change the system We are making the elephant hear
Old Gal 04:17
Five courses, three jobs and one forlorn, alcoholic boyfriend who Tells all, our friends that he doesn't know what he'd do without me well When did his friends and my friends become one and the same term and How come, I know just what I'd do without him I'd have more time I'd have more money I'd buy new shoes and read everything by Dostoyevsky And I know too Exactly what he'll do Chorus: The old gal pulled out late last night Is what he'll tell the guys at the pub tonight The old gal pulled out late last night In search of greener pastures And I don't know what she thinks she's gonna find Maybe she's just going through a phase I thought everything was alright So I don't really understand why But the old girl pulled out late last night Old friend, cold house, pile of mouldy blankets and a dirty couch One kettle, well used, ash tray and an extra key She said I could call the living room my own as long as I need to there's a Spy phone so I'll know not to answer if he calls And baby I'm not selfish I'm just tired I haven't found the time to be alone for several months There's more to me than just being your girlfriend Though I've smoked a lot of cigarettes in your name And I'll bet you, have smoked a few in my name too Chorus From time to time I see his friends They fill me in, though I don't ask He does not know how to spend time I kindly suggest a library card Four papers left to go Five exams and one stupid presentation leaving Three bosses, almost two Can't be late for work again Two pairs of new shoes, great dress made with me in mind The Brothers Karamazov, Crime and Punishment, The Idiot The old gal pulled out late last night Is what he'll tell the guys at the pub tonight The old gal pulled out late last night In search of greener pastures
Another night Another bar Another wasted brain cell On a useless memory Why do I come here I ask myself every time Supporting this business That makes money off loitering I had to leave the house I had to see the sky But it was too dark and cold out Besides everything else was closed Decided to go Where I don't know anyone Sit down at the bar and order Double anything Chorus: I came here to drink alone Sometimes that's all you got Sometimes your friends don't know Or else they know all too well I don't know which one's worse But I don't need wisdom now Nor do I need advice Or camaraderie no I just need to drink Alone Had to go some place Where it ain't necessary To put on an act Or to let one act slip away Or wish for the power to say No, I don't want to hear a poem Or I have to go home I've been here too long already Bartender just looks at me You're a problem I've seen before But I won't cause trouble I came here to disappear Try not to seem noticeably drunk So he'll keep on pouring drinks Ignore dirty old men and then spend All my money loitering Chorus Five o'clock in the morning I stumble through my front door Fingers are numb I dropped my keys in the snow It's harder to see now But sleeping is easier Got nothing solved But I guess that's just how it goes
Icked 05:11
Walled within my cubicle grey carpet walls all wired in to systems down Sitting in my business casual although there were no skill requirements here On Friday pay my dollar for the privilege to wear jeans and sneakers all week-end long Just another shitty occupation masquerading as a real career And it makes me want to hurt myself and others It makes me whine, it makes me sit and cry It makes me laugh with psychotic abandon And it makes me hate everything about the world My friends are worried for my well being it's very kind of them to think of me here Going blind from blinking screens displaying billing inquiries I can't decipher There's a ringing in my ear oh wait that's meant to be there that's the job description Is it morning night or noon a Monday Wednesday Friday I don't know anymore But I know I want to hurt myself and others I know I need to drink myself to sleep I know it's wrong to do this to my body I don't care I hate everything about the world And there's a world outside A sky overhead this windowless cavern Dotted with sprinklers in case of a fire Cause fires are likely when you treat adults like they're five Living break to break I watch the clock obediently waiting for my set time Enter password rank and SIN employee number just for 15 minutes of air There's many doors but just one works the others are all decoys there to keep us inside To eat their cancer-causing vended processed microwavable meals that are nutrient free And it makes me want to hurt myself and others It makes me whine, it makes me sit and cry It makes me laugh with psychotic abandon And it makes me hate everything about the world It makes me ponder on The world's darkest prisons and do they comply to ISO standard nine thousand and one Or do they have much better systems in place Here they recommend that you partake in taking toxic drinks to keep you awake Playing games to boost moral and big fake smiles no using common sense for positive change Remember we're a team but don't ask questions no one knows or cares we're here for our pay No one there to bother with enforcing their collection of arbitrary rules And it makes me want to hurt myself and others It makes me whine, it makes me sit and cry It makes me laugh with psychotic abandon And it makes me hate everything about the world
On a dusty road in a small town in Ontario Trying to get the kids to school on time Married 14 years with nothing really the matter Eloise really had just one complaint Now Eloise didn't ask for much in this life And Eloise got little in return She was happy enough in the town she always said she'd come back to She was happy enough in the town that she never left Wedgwood Pattern Sarah's Garden Botanical Latin Written on every plate Driving into town to buy the groceries She passed by Maryann's store every week And in the windows and inside on the counters Sarah's Garden dishes were for sale Well she memorized every cup and every saucer The tattered brochure stored beneath her bed With her finger prints tattooed on the display window Showing in this life sometimes wishing ain't enough For Wedgwood Pattern Sarah's Garden Botanical Latin Written on every plate Salt and Pepper Never looked better With ladybugs crawling All over the cups She had an egg cup that her husband bought her It was the only thing in the store they could afford She cherished it like the diamond ring he gave her Now hard boiled eggs are her favourite thing to eat But Eloise has this fantasy Regarding a tea party In a wild grove all natural table and chairs And in every chair a full place setting Matching spoons and all And everyone who's anyone is there Tea cups and coffee mugs platters and jugs Soup bowls and salad bowls gravy bowls too Flowers and butterflies beetles and bees Each piece is different well knows Eloise In Wedgwood Pattern Sarah's Garden Botanical Latin Written on every plate Salt and Pepper Never looked better With ladybugs crawling All over the cups Wedgwood Pattern Sarah's Garden
Little 04:48
Daylight Sun hits, the car heats up so hot I can barely breathe Just me and the dog Sleeping in the backseat On the side of the road That dog has seen more of this world than most people I can name Got her down in Texas so the heat's only bothering me Roll down the windows air out the car some before driving on Breakfast soda crackers and water, check to see if I'm running low on gasoline Don't ask me where I'm from that's a question too hard for me to answer I've been travelling all my life and I don't recall just where I began Got nothing but a few mixed tapes, an old typewriter, couple books Some worn and faded photographs of the times I now deem to have been better An old fashioned suitcase holding lingerie I got the car, got the dog too where's my house full of youngsters And where's that man, still telling me he loves me while his hairline's receding And his belly's growing Once I was a little girl, running to my mothers arms She told me one day I'd find love and be holding children of my own To think that I believed her then ain't the hard part, na uh, The hardest part is I'm still wishing that she was right A good five years has passed since there was someone happy just to hold me I was sober then I had something better to depend on But some people talk a lot and they fill you up full of wondrous notions I'm sick of people who just talk so if you say it please mean it Cause I'm dancing in a grimy bar for the clientele of a toothless man Stealing change just to stay alive and drinking, because I need to And one by one I've managed to push away Every friend I've made And I will sing a bitter song as I Sit to write my memoirs With a bottle of something hard to wash down my prescription Cause when I look back on it all my stories are pretty hateful Yeah I got a few happy ones too but all they do Is make me cry Midnight Pretty cold in the back seat Me and the dog In a gas station parking lot
Spooked 03:53
Kyla Tilley: classical guitar, vocals, bass, theramin Julian Squires: drums
There's not much space here in our domicile Our limited storage has taken your mind Once you were vibrant and full of ideas I was so taken by your artistry Then anytime inspiration would strike You'd let the mundanities of life slide Now you feel inundated by our lot I try to engage you but all you can say is Adequate Shelves I've seen you suffer fixations before Plunging your energies into one goal This time it's different, it worries me love It seems you've lost sight of all you hold dear for Adequate Shelves Adequate Shelves A place for everything And everything in it's place Cleanliness is next to Godliness I suppose home decor is A creative pursuit But honey you're taking the notion a little too far Don't you think You've entered the pupae a butterfly and come out a worm This metamorphosis disturbs me I used to come home to your joyous embrace The beautiful music we made was divine You whispered the naughtiest words in my ear But when I lean closer now you just murmur Adequate Shelves Adequate Shelves What can I do To bring you back I've tried reasoning I haven't tried everything A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do So much for lingerie chocolate and jewels Since your notion of Swedish porn's been revised I'll bite the bullet attempt to provide Adequate Shelves Adequate Shelves
Au Naturel 02:44
Why not take off all of your clothes And throw them on the floor You'll feel so much better You'll feel so divine You can dance a little jig then You can stretch your arms You can breathe a little deeper You won't be confined Chorus: Just go au naturel Go au, au naturel Oh au naturel Go au naturel When you were born you wore nothing Ever wonder why Back then you were cold and gooey Now you'll be warm and smooth And you'll feel the world on your body Feel it in every hair You'll feel every molecule around you You'll feel part of it all Chorus La la la la la la La la la la la la La la la la la la La la la la laaaa Don't worry nobody can see you Not unless you want them to You can smile at your neighbours If you forget to close your blinds And don't be ashamed of what you look like I'm sure you look just fine We spend far too much time Absorbed with our flaws Chorus Why not take off all of your clothes


A collection of songs about exultation and misery, fantasy and rumination.


released July 27, 2019

All songs written by Kyla Tilley
The Ant vs The Elephant written by Kyla Tilley in collaboration with the women at The Grief and Loss Education and Action Group in Toronto.

Kyla Tilley: Classical, Steel-String and Electric Guitars, Vocals, Bass, Banjo, Theramin
Julian Squires: Drums
Alycia Paige Walsh Tilley: Backing Vocals
Sahara Jane: Backing Vocals
Ed Hudson: Violin, Backing Vocals

Recorded hither and thither through the jamspaces and livingrooms of Montreal QC and St. John's NL by Kyla Tilley
Photography and Graphic Design: Julian Squires
Mixed and Mastered by: Julian Squires


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Kyla Tilley Newfoundland and Labrador

Kyla Tilley plays guitar, wears high heels, and writes sometimes sad, often funny, occasionally disconcerting, story-telling songs which rarely rhyme.

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